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Conversations Overheard at a Yoga Studio
How to confront an unfaithful mat
Yoga Towel: Hey, I heard you stepped out on us to take a Pilates class last week.
Yoga Mat: Who told you?
Towel: We towels talk.
Mat: You’re not gonna tell the teacher, are you?
Towel: Hey, I’m a skidless yoga towel. Unlike you, I don’t slip around.
How the yoga mat found his calling in life
Yoga Mat: You know, being a yoga mat wasn’t my first career choice.
Yoga Towel: What was the first?
Mat: A flag. But I had to give it up.
Towel: Why?
Mat: Too much saluting during standing poses.
How a yoga mat and yoga towel differ
Yoga Mat: Wow, do you always sweat like a pig?
Yoga Towel: Well, I may absorb more sweat than your average towel, but at least I'm not plopped across a cold floor like you.
Mat: That's a low blow. Why don't you pick on someone your own size?
Towel: You are my own size. Only rubber.
How to ignore somebody while pretending you didn't hear
Yoga Mat: I finally figured out what I have over you, despite being under you.
Yoga Towel: Indulge me.
Mat: I can be used on either side. I’m reversible.
Towel: That’s rather profound.
Mat: Sorry, what did you say?
Towel: I said that's rather profound. Are you deaf?
Mat: Sorry, I had my back to you.
How it feels to be stuck at the bottom
Yoga Mat: Man, is it me or is it hot in here?
Yoga Towel: It’s a Bikram yoga class. First time. I’m here to absorb the detoxifying sweat. Nice to be me. Sucks to be you.
Mat: Why am I always the last to know?
Towel: Because you’re a floor mat. Stuck at the bottom rung of the Bikram ladder. Deal with it.
How there's no going back to the beginner class
Yoga Mat: Until she bought me, her asanas were pathetic. Like her downward facing dog just downward didn’t.
Yoga Towel: Well, before me, her pyramid collapsed and her triangle was square.
Mat: Until I came along, her camel look dehydrated and her flowering lotus wilted.
Towel: Nostalgic about the days when she was in the beginner class?
Mat: Not for a second.
How the yoga mat and the yoga towel met for the first time
Yoga Mat: Hey, you're different from the other towels I've had dumped on me in the past.
Yoga Towel: Well, I'm skidless.
Mat: What does that mean?
Towel: It means I'm stuck here on top of you instead of talking to you from way over there. By the way, your mouthwash ain't working.
Mat: Thanks a lot. You really know how to hurt a mat.
How the yoga mat and the yoga towel differ
Yoga Mat: You want to know the difference between you and me?
Yoga Towel: I’m on top and you’re on the bottom?
Mat: Besides that, when someone thinks about us mats, they think about achieving perfect poses. When they think about you towels, they think about how much they’re gonna sweat then have to do laundry later.
Towel: At least I’m washed frequently.
What yoga mats and yoga towels do for lunch
Yoga Mat: OK, 12 noon, what’s for lunch?
Yoga Towel: It’s a lunch hour class. No lunch for you.
Mat: I gotta eat! A spring roll. A wrap. A gyro!
Towel: Do you only eat things that resemble you all rolled up?
Mat: You know what they say, “you are what you eat.” I guess you'll be having belly button lint.
Why they stick together through thick and thin
Yoga Towel: How do you describe me to your friends?
Yoga Mat: Warm, loopy, a little uppity. How do you describe me?
Towel: Flat, rigid, somewhat below me.
Mat: Let’s agree if it wasn’t for our mutual love of yoga, we’d never be together.
